… That was another plastic patio chair that will have to go in the dustbin.
This is just one of many issues that us larger blokes have to face. Being big often incurs extra expense, excessive personal injury or at the least, great discomfort. This world was not built for guys over a certain size even if our range of big and tall clothes were.
Let me share with you my friends, just a few of the everyday problems that every big man can relate to. If we’ve left any out (we have) then feel free to let us know about them and we can laugh along together at how the tiny world seems to have it in for us.
Doorways Built For Hobbits
This is the absolute worst thing in the world. I know that the general population are getting bigger and taller but it seems that many places still have low door frames that are responsible for some fairly hefty concussions in their time.
We’ve got friends who have to come and visit us as we can’t go and see them in their cottage due to “that time someone had to go to hospital because the had too many jars and knocked themselves out on the doorway to the kitchen”. Oh how they laughed.
I got stitches by the way.
Low doorways are the bane of every tall man. Narrow doorways also pose a problem for the larger chaps but that is another story entirely.
People Who Need To Comment About Your Size
“How’s the weather up there? Do you play basketball? Are there birds nesting on top?” – And that’s just the tall blokes. Tubby guys get it far, far worse, believe me! I probably couldn’t print some of the things that I’ve heard over the years in this blog but I may consider it for a future NSFW blog… If you request it!
But the point stands: Why is it necessary to point out that we are massive? We’ve heard them all before when it comes to these comments but it seems like us Brits enjoy commenting on a man’s stature as much as we do about making unnecessary observations about the weather; that we can all see anyway.
Showers Built For Kids
Thankfully, most showers are adjustable so it’s not an everyday problem, but I guarantee that if I stay at a hotel the shower is shoulder-height. This does not just mean stooping to wash my hair but the inevitable smashing of the face (usually the nose) into the shower head or side panels.
Fixed shower-heads should be banned completely.
Then we have cubicles that are too damn small. It’s fine if you are 5 foot 2, but when you’re the other side of 6 foot and perhaps a pound or two overweight (OK a stone or three) then getting in and out is hard enough, let alone actually washing in there.
… And Baths We Have To Squat In
Leading on from showers, we have baths. These are generally no better.
A bath should be a relaxing experience, but for the bigger man it poses a veritable death trap. Firstly the logistics of getting in and out are very little fun, especially if it’s all greased up with bubble bath or those bath bombs the missus likes. It makes me look like a greased up sea lion trying to get up hill.
But once in, it’s no better. The average bath was not made for the bigger bloke. There’s arms and feet everywhere and trying to find the soap… Well. There’s a few jokes in that I’m sure. Feel free to suggest a few.
Shirts That Fit With Sleeves That Don’t
Part of the reason we set up Big T Shirt nearly 20 years ago was because (as a big bloke) I couldn’t find clothes that were built for a man of my… aspect ratio. This was ok when I was around the house in jogging bottoms and a t-shirt but special occasions were the worst…
The main issue was finding shirts that actually fitted. If I wanted to roll up my sleeves it was fine but getting all the measurements right and cuffs that actually got to my wrist’ then I had to do some searching. But search no more my friends; we’ve got big and tall shirts that would fit even the largest of gentlemen. So you can crack on with looking dapper and impressing everyone around with your sophisticated chat and hilarious wit without worrying you look like you stole a kid’s school shirt.
Every Mirror Is Too Low
Big men don’t usually make too much of a fuss about looking in every mirror (we know we look good) but it does seem like most mirrors we set up for children. Just like the shower cubicle, changing cubicles are basically the same situation. Usually you’d struggle to get much more than a mop and bucket in there, let alone a man of generous stature.
So once you are in, you may wish to check how you look… But of course, you need to stoop to see it. Just like everyone’s bathrooms or just about every mirror, anywhere. Yet another reason to order big and tall clothes online!
Wanting A Car We’ll Never Fit In To.
We all love a sporty car, don’t we? Or maybe I’m going through a midlife crisis?
Not that it matters, I won’t get into the ruddy thing anyway.
If we’re honest, half the reason we (used) to watch Top Gear and now watch The Grand Tour is to witness the spectacle of Jeremy Clarkson struggling to get in and out if pretty much any car he looked at. Why are fast cars designed for diminutive people? Surely a big chap should not have to buy a truck to get some comfort? Don’t get me wrong, you won’t get me in a bright yellow Ferrari but that’s mostly because it’s not an option until they bring out an XXXXL version.
Standing Out In The Crowd All Times
With our good looks, humorous repartee and humble nature, us big men do stand out. You’ll always spot us at social events, undoubtedly surrounded by amused onlookers as we regale them with anecdotes and tales. We really are people magnets.
The thing is, sometimes you just want to carry on unnoticed and go about your business. This is especially true when we’re out shopping. Most blokes hate shopping and for big blokes it’s even worse as we tower above the crowds and get looked at. We struggle to weave our way through busy stores and streets so it’s usually a right pain in the backside. Places like the tube are literally no-go areas for us.
So we order online wherever possible.
“One Size Fits All” Does Not Fit
This x 1000
Why do companies still produce ‘one size fits all’ when the size in question does not fit all? We beg to differ with the term. It gets our goats. It winds us up. It does not fit.
Yes, we’re big and tall but I’ve given up on anything that claims to fit all as I’ve got drawers full of gloves and hats that are not, and never will be, my size. ‘One size fits most’ is probably what these items should have on the label.
This is probably our biggest peeve: Be it ‘planes, trains or automobiles’. We can understand why Steve Martin was so sweary in the film of the same name – Watch it, he held a record for the most swear words in a film for a while! You may want to watch out if you’ve got kids around, otherwise watch this and bear in mind it’s NSFW!
But we digress, back to public transport: The seats are awful and even sitting off to one side does not help with the knee room. Long haul flights are the absolute worst for this and if you’re a big bloke in economy, then you’ll feel like a battery hen.
As I’ve mentioned earlier, the Tube is virtually a no-go area for any big chap and buses are not much better. Combine that with half the cars of the world being the equivalent of go-carts and you can see that transportation generally is very little fun.
But the special prize goes to aeroplanes with their tiny seats, extremely limited leg room and (heaven forbid) the smallest toilets in the world. I’d sooner spend a weekend in a caravan at Skeg Vegas than go through the trauma and humiliation of public transport.
The World Wasn’t Built for all Big men.
… It really wasn’t. But luckily, our range of clothing was.